166 Meaning, Emotion and Valentines

Meaning: “conveying a significance that is not directly expressed . . .”

In Blog #163, Sweet Spirit brought up fear as a primary deterrent to meaning-seeking: “I believe that FEAR is the number one reason why people don't search,” she says.

Oh, yes, I can agree with that! And isn’t it curious that the primary deterrent is a . . . emotion!

That being the case, it seems pertinent to mull this situation over a bit. I mean, if fear is going to be such an adversary in our achieving significant understanding over the course of our life, then I think such a dilemma needs some evaluation—especially at Valentine’s, the season of hearts and flowers and candy and romantic expressions of love.

So let’s look at a really ironic situation, though there are many varied situations to choose from. It is ironic to me that one emotion can thoroughly derail another emotion. A person can compromise the most precious emotional potential of her/his life—love— because of fear— fear to confront painful truths in general and particularly about oneself. (My spouse has been pure inspiration in this area, counseling me that it is his attitude concerning difficult situations that “the best way out is through.” I now repeat his to-the-point phrase to myself and others constantly, and I treasure his determination and willingness to ask more of himself than others).

A particularly tricky form of this conundrum of contending emotions was dramatized in February 8^th’s comic drama Parenthood on NBC, the tumultuous story of the Braverman family and extended family. In this particular episode, Crosby Braverman-one of 2 sons and 2 daughters of the Braverman family— got furious at his fiancé, Jasmine, because he thought she was asserting herself too much. His solution of choice was to hurt her very badly by employing the most colorful harsh language he could think of to describe her inadequacies as he saw them. He then proceeds to go on a drinking binge on his houseboat—his symbol of bohemian free-spiritedness.

Here’s the irony: Crosby loves Jasmine, but he ignored the painful truth about himself that he consistently over-asserts himself in everything, as depicted in a previous episode. In this prior episode, he had been forced to beg his brother-in-law’s forgiveness for taking over a stage production the brother-in-law had ably been developing for their kids at school.

Continuing in his current oblivious state with Jasmine, Crosby decides to ask his (very stable and wise) brother, Adam Braverman, what he thinks about the situation between Crosby and Jasmine. Adam frankly but mildly tells Crosby that he has missed the meaning of the argument, which is really that Crosby is getting cold feet about marrying Jasmine though they are none-too-soon engaged in that they already have a 5 year old child together, Jabbar!!!!).

And, if I remember correctly, Wise Brother Adam also tells Crosby that Crosby likes to see himself as easy-going, when actually he is irresponsible. Brave, wise brother then insightfully adds that pairing a responsible girl with a charming but irresponsible guy in marriage is possible, but living out the necessary adjustments on the part of each is a life-long process motivated by love (which if they are fortunate is the kind that will not be denied) with the end result that both parties are made better, more loving people of more value and blessing to each other. Crosby dismisses what wise brother is saying. Sigh!!!!

Well, the audience gets what wise brother is saying. Crosby needs to learn to embrace responsibility and Jasmine needs to learn to modify her one-sided approach to solution-making. The road to loving interaction and responsibility for both Crosby and Jasmine may never be easy, but they will never realize their potential for love by refusing the journey. Besides, their child, Jabbar, is going to be radically affected every day of his life by their ability or inability to grow and resolve their differences.

To add injury to insult, both to Jasmine and the audience, the trailer for the coming show has Crosby apparently getting interested in another girl. And you can bet it’s because he thinks new girl will put up with his “laid-back” charming irresponsibility.

So sad! For one and all—when fear of truth can defeat love!

To be continued.